Should You Marry Her?

Back in the 1970’s I knew this little Filipina girl and dated her for awhile.  I was divorced and had two boys to raise.  I had been through divorce, debt and a lot of hell.  The girl was cute and sweet, but I decided a bit too young and innocent for me.  Soon, I moved to Arizona with my two boys and left her behind in San Jose.  But she wouldn’t give up on me and started flying to Phoenix on a regular basis to see me. 

At the time, Olivia Newton John was a popular singer and had a hit out called “If You Love Me, Let Me Know.”  My feelings for the little Filipina kept gnawing at me and I sure didn’t want to give up my freedom.  But everytime I heard Olivia Newton-John’s song on the radio, I imagined it was my Filipina speaking to me:  “If you love me let me know, if you don’t, then let me go.”  I was falling in love with her despite my intention not to do so.

Then one day at Fountain Hills, surrounded by empty desert and a huge fountain shooting from the lake into the sky, my little Filipina, whose name is Tess, tried to pin me down.  While we were sitting on the grass, she lowered her head and said, “What are your plans, honey?”  I knew it was time to commit or to walk away.  I also knew that by breaking her heart I would break mine too.  So I replied, “I don’t know exactly what my plans are, but whatever they are, they will have to include you.”  A couple of months later I bought her a ring.

We have been married 32 years now. 

This week our son has faced a similar crisis.  His girlfriend, who has been with him around five years, got tired of waiting for a commitment and that elusive ring, and moved out of his apartment in Los Angeles.  I think she did the right thing.  If I was to speak to my son about the matter, it would be this:  “It’s simple son.  If you love her, let her know.  If you don’t, then let her go.”  Keeping someone in a state of limbo, is unfair and never right.  Or, just listen to Olivia Newton-John below and follow the advice.


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